I was a pretty good looking guy, who was getting plenty of attention from the girls, but I was interested in the guys. I kept that as hidden as I could, and even went out on a date with one now and then.

When I turned sixteen, I got my first job so that I could get a car. My parents agreed to match my funds. I knew the car I wanted, and I talked to the owner. He agreed to stop trying to sell it for a couple months while I got a job and came up with the $1,000. I needed to make $500 myself, and my folks would pay the other half. But there was also insurance and gas registration and tags. I needed at least $700 of my own.

I started working as a grocery sacker at the local market. It paid minimum wage, and was thirty hours a week. I started on a Monday, and was trained by Josh, the lead grocery sacker.  And, oh, god, so hot.  It was funny how much he looked like the grocery boy in an movie that was a couple years old called The Hearse. Google it and the actor's name, Perry Lang. They could have almost been twins, but I thought Perry was even hotter. Anyway, Josh was nineteen and had graduated last year. He had his own apartment and his van was the coolest ride around. It was all black with a bed in back, carpeted floor, walls, and ceiling, a sink, lights, mirrors, curtains, the whole shaggin' wagon thing.

So Josh trained me how to sack groceries, and gather carts from the lot, facing shelves, and cleaning up around the store. He was very nice and we got along great. He had this funky grin, all lopsided and cute. I really liked working next to him doing stuff. I could get the hottest peeks at times! By the end of my first week I was told I did well and was done training.

Over the next few weeks I worked hard, but it was going to take a while to get that $700, so I really needed to work more hours. I asked the manager and was told he didn't need me for any more hours.

Josh worked at the store just a few more hours than I did, but he had the coolest van, and money for other things. I asked him one day how he could afford the van and insurance and other things on what he made. He said he did some things on the side. I asked what, and he said he couldn't tell me, but he might tell me some day.

Well, not long after that, Josh took a week off, and I got more hours. I was almost halfway to getting that the car, but I only had a couple weeks left before the owner was going to put it back in the newspaper for sale.

When Josh came back, he had hurt his ankle. He could sack and do some other things around the store, but not everything, so I got to keep a few of his hours and make a little bit more. But I needed to make even more. So I started looking around for a better job.

One day Josh asked me if I could help him with his groceries after work. He lived on his own and bought his groceries at our store on discount. I said sure. When it was almost time to close, he got a cart and hobbled around getting his groceries. I finished cleaning up and helped him get the rest.

He checked out, we bagged his groceries, said goodnight to the manager and the clerk, and we took his groceries out to his van. We put the sacks in the back, and he asked if I wanted to get high, to pay me back for helping out.

I had never gotten high before, and since this was Josh, the coolest guy I knew, I said sure. We climbed in the back of his van, closed the doors, and he got a joint out of the drawer under the sink.

"You never got high before, have you?" he asked as he got ready to light the joint.

"No, not really."

"Well, don't worry, you won't freak out or anything. I won't let you. We'll just get a little high so you can check it out."

"Okay, cool."

So I smoked my first weed. I felt it, for sure. I got giggly and dopey, and I was having a great time. We talked and laughed while music played over his awesome stereo system. He had tons of tapes for it too.

"How do you afford all this?" I asked as I looked at all his tapes and the stereo system and around at the van. And thinking about how he lived in an apartment.

"I got a side job," he said with his funky grin.

"Doing what?"

"I buy weed in big amounts, then I sell it in small amounts."

"You make a lot of money doing that?"

"Enough to have an apartment, this van, and get stuff I want."

Huh. Cool.

He pulled his wallet out, and pulled out over three hundred dollars. With what I had, that would make enough for the $700 for my half of the car and the costs.

"I made this this week, just since I got back," he said, waving the money.

He was sitting on the bed in the back of the van and I was sitting on the floor in front of him, and I was noticing his package. I mean, I was gay, and knew it, and I was sitting in the coolest van around with one of the coolest guys around, and one of the hottest guys, too. So I was looking, you know?

And, man, was I high.

We smoked a while, then he asked, "You're a good looking guy. You got a girlfriend?"

I got embarrassed and shook my head.

He kept grinning at me as we passed the joint back and forth.

"You like girls?" he asked.

"Uh, yeah," I said.

"No. Tell me the truth. You like girls?"

"Sure," I lied.

"What if I said I see you looking at my stuff?"

"Huh?"

I remember thinking he was joking, or maybe trying to figure out if I was a queer. I worried I had been too obvious looking at his great package or had given off a vibe or something.

"I seen you looking. I don't mind. I like it with guys."

"What?"

"I think you know," he said, and put his hand on his lap.

"Huh?"

I was so high. If I wasn't, maybe I would have figured it out.

He said, "If you unfasten my pants, I'll show you what I mean."

I was so high. I got up on my knees and undid the button on his jeans, and then sat back.

I sat there and waited.

I told you, I was really high.

"Don't stop there," he said.

I got up on my knees again, and unzipped his fly. He looked at me.

"Take them down," he said.

I did. He had white briefs on, like everyone wore back then, and I saw he had a boner.

I finally got interested. Until then I was just sort of going on auto-pilot. Now I realized I was taking his pants off. I was looking at his boner in his underwear. I got really excited, in every way.

"Take my jeans off," he said.

So I pulled them down, and over his bandaged ankle, and put them on the bed beside him. Man, seeing him in his underwear was making me super horny.

"Now take off my underwear," he said.

I did. Man, he had a nice big dick. Probably seven inches. It seemed like it anyway. It was the first hard dick I had ever seen. Nice big balls, too. Lots of pubes. This was so cool.

"Now suck on it."

I don't know why I didn't freak out, or anything like that. I just leaned over him and put my mouth over his dick and sucked it.

He put his hands on my head and moved me up and down. He told me to use my tongue in different ways.

I was having the time of my life! I loved feeling his hard dick sliding between my lips and over my tongue! It was making me feel like I was getting the blow-job, not just giving it. This rocked!

"You ever had one?" he asked.

I stopped and looked up at him and said, "No."

He patted the bed next to him and said, "Come up here."

I did. He pushed me back a little, so that I was leaning back on both my elbows behind me, then he opened my jeans, pulled them down, and then pulled my underwear down. And then he leaned over me, and I felt the best thing ever.

I remember saying something like, "Oh my God," or something, and then just sort of shaking and going outside my body and just...

I watched his mouth as it went up and down on my dick, and I felt his lips and tongue, and the suction, and I just sat there and enjoyed the best feeling I'd ever had.

When he stopped, he looked up at me and asked, "Want to do something else that feels great too?"

"Yeah!"

He got a jar out of the cabinet under the sink, and I saw it was Vaseline. I was really high, but I figured it out really quickly. As he put some of it on his hole, I got so hard it almost felt like it was going to split.

Then he put it on my dick. Man, that stuff felt so good as he stroked it onto my dick, smearing it all over it. Then he got above me, straddled me, and sat down on my dick.

Oh, wow! That's what I said, too.

"Like that?" he asked.

"Yeah!" I said, feeling the big grin on my face.

He rode me for a few minutes. When I was getting close, either he could tell or it was just timing, but he got up and my dick fell out.

He pushed my legs way up, and smeared that stuff over my hole. Man, that felt fucking wild. Then he got over me, and stuck his dick into me. It didn't go in easy, and it took a lot of work, and it sort of hurt more than once, but he got inside me. It felt pretty good after the first bit of pain and pinching, and he fucked me.

"Like that?" he asked softly in my ear.

"Yeah!"

"I'm gonna squirt it in your butt. That okay?"

"No! I wanna see it!"

I didn't even think it, I just said it. I guess it was because I was high my first time.

"Okay."

He kept fucking me, then pulled it out and jerked it off all over my dick and balls. He squirted so much of it!

Then he leaned down and licked it all up, and then sucked me off. God! It was so good! He went slow and then fast, sucked hard and then soft, and used his tongue a lot. I probably lasted about one minute.

"I think I'm gonna!" I told him when I felt that awesome growing pressure.

He didn't stop. He kept sucking me. And man, did I go off! It felt like I was shooting all the cum I had into his mouth. I ended up curled over his head and holding on tight, shaking all over.

I had to pull him off because it was way too much.

"Like your first blow-job?" he asked, putting his underwear and pants back on.

"Yeah!" I said, getting dressed too.

"Wanna do that again sometime?"

"Yeah!"

"I'll loan ya the money for your car, if..."

Really? Cool!

"If what?" I asked.

"If you pay it back, and if..."

"If what?"

"If you come to my place a few times a week and do it."

What a deal!

"Deal!"

"Wanna help me take the groceries in my place? We can smoke another joint. Maybe do it again."

"Sure!"

He had me put my bike in his van, and we took his groceries to his place. I carried them in for him. We smoked part of another joint, then we started making out and did it again. The same way. Then he took me home. I was in trouble for being so late. The store had closed over two hours ago and I hadn't called or anything. So worth it.

He gave me the money for my car and I got it that weekend.

I drove it to his place and we did it again. And the next day, and pretty much every day after.  We got into kissing and cuddling and stuff like that. I loved doing it with Josh. I was in love with him.

It took a long time to pay him back. I ended up sort of moving in with him while I was still in high school. We told everybody I slept on the couch. We even kept a blanket and a pillow on it. My parents figured us out anyway. They were remarkably cool about it. Some of my friends sometimes seemed suspicious, but they never said they knew or anything.

When I went to college, he came up all the time, and when I went home on breaks we spent most of that time holed up at the apartment.

We stayed together a couple more years, seeing each other on my school breaks and over the summer. He got busted just after I started my third year at college and got six years. I took over his apartment. He did three years. I was with two other guys at college while he was inside. I told him about the guys while he was still serving his time. So was he, on the inside. When he got out I was making good money at my new job, so he stayed with me. We stayed with just each other for a year or so, but nothing lasts forever. He was different. I was too. We broke up kind of rough, but we stayed friends after we cooled off and stayed in touch over the decades.

He passed away a couple of months ago. I thought this was a good way to memorialize him in a way. He was my first in every way, and I still miss him. You were the best, Joshie.