Zack's Tale
I came out to my friends right after school let out. Okay... I didn't so much 'come out' to my closest friends so much as 'came onto' them.
You hear about schools with LGBT clubs and such, but our school doesn't have one. Being gay around here still means being made fun of and pushed around. So I hid it really well. And so did everyone else. So no one knows who else, if anyone, is gay. So, while we were hanging out everyday with each other over the summer, I ended up sleeping over with one of them sooner or later. And I pretty much took those sexual jokes and grabbing a step further. To the point they directly asked me if I was gay or something. And I told them I was. The first time was really difficult, but it was my best friend, so I managed to force myself to admit it to him.
It was massively scary. And risky. You know. But I made myself do it. And I found out that none of my closest friends were so much as bi, let alone gay. And none of them were willing to do anything at all together. I almost lost one of them, and he still acts a bit stand-offish, but he tries to act like it never happened.
I told a girl, too. One of my closest friends, for years and years now. She laughed and hugged me and make stupid jokes, and it was the best of the coming-out experiences. She acts like I never said anything when anyone else is around, but when we are alone, she always wants to talk about it. Sometimes that gets old, and irritating, but most of the time it's great.
So, my five best friends knew. I wasn't ready to tell the folks. Or anyone else.
I was hoping and praying for someone to be with. I fantasized about all the cute guys, and some of the guys everyone thought was hot, and a few of the dorkier ones. I wasn't picky at all. And not having done it with anyone yet, I was beating off as often as possible, and about willing to do it with anyone.
School started, and like happens each year, you get a whole bunch of new folks to sit next to and maybe become friends with.
It was Jason Davidson in Latin that caught my eye. Okay, so I'm kind of a dork myself. I'll leave my physical particulars up to you. Jason was kind of a dork too. Almost an actually studly dude, but not quite. I'll leave those particulars up to you as well.
A few months after getting to be friends, and repeatedly assuring my five in-the-know friends that we weren't fucking like rabbits, he stayed over one Saturday night. Alone.
Now, I could tell he wasn't gay. He liked girls, or was spectacular at pretending so. He was as convincing as my other friends, and we hadn't really gotten into any sexually charged discussions or such yet.
But, of course, staying the night together, it came up. So to speak. Shit. I promised myself I wouldn't use any of those pathetic double-pun things. Moving on.
We played some video games, and talked, and had a dang good time. And I was hard the whole time, of course, hoping for that opening to take things toward more sexual realms. I intended to let him know I was gay before it got too late.
So, about ten, after a munchie raid, we were watching television in my room again, and I commented that the actor on the show was gay. His reaction was interesting.
"Yeah. He seems like a really great guy, too."
The way he said it, told me that he didn't think poorly of him at all.
"Yeah. I bet he has tons of friends, even if they know already," I replied.
"Probably. Some gay guys are the nicest dudes you'd ever want to know."
I think I almost visibly jerked at his words, but it was probably all inside. It was a few seconds before I could swallow and talk.
"You know any?" I asked.
"Sure. Two cousins are, and a guy I went to school with until I moved here last year," he answered, all cool and casual.
"Wow. Cool."
"You?"
I jerked again, but all inside this time, I was sure.
"Ummm, nope. None I know of."
Coward! I screamed at myself.
I'd try to describe the emotions boiling inside me at that moment, but you'd have to have been in the same kind of situation to really understand anyway.
About twenty quiet seconds later...
"I... uh..."
I swallowed, then tried again.
"Ummm..."
It hadn't been easy with my five best friends, but it was so much harder with someone I didn't know as well. I didn't know if he'd get up and leave, or hate me, or hit me, or what. I kept thinking that he admitted to two cousins being gay, and a guy he knew before he moved here, but that really wasn't enough to really overcome the in-built fear and dread of telling someone when you can't reasonably predict their reaction.
"Look... I'm..."
"You're gay. Right?" he asked, looking at me.
I realized I hadn't looked at him since mentioning the actor on the television. Now I saw he was looking at me calmly, curiously, and with no disgust or revulsion. It was suddenly easier. I held his eyes, and said it.
"Yeah. I'm... gay."
He sort of shrugged as he nodded, smiled a little, then looked back at the show.
I'd already thought he was cute, but now he was gorgeous. Funny how that is.
"I never did anything with the guy I knew before I moved here," he said casually. "Not that he didn't ask," he laughed.
"He wanted to?"
He nodded, then said, "He would have with anyone, though. Can't blame him."
"Blame him?" I asked.
He looked at me and replied, "Yeah. No one to mess around with? Has to suck." He looked at me aside for a second, then asked, "You ever done it with anyone?"
I felt my face catch fire. I struggled to not laugh at the ludicrousness of the idea.
"No, huh?" he said.
"No. You?"
"Yeah. I had a girlfriend back there. Nothing special, just goin' out, doin' each other. Liked each other, but we didn't want to get married or have kids. Just a lot of fun," he finished with a laugh.
"Dang. Must miss it."
"Fuck yeah. Jerkin' it off is boring after sex. Or head. Or even one of her wetties."
"Wetties?"
"She'd spit on her palm, and my dick, and jerk it, all wet and shit. Fucking awesome. Do it myself, but not the same."
"Yeah. Nothing beats beating it wet," I agreed with a laugh.
He laughed too, and then looked back at me. His grin was embarrassed and already cute, and that blush made it fucking adorable.
"Would you ever think about doing that?" he asked, then visibly swallowed, and finally added, his voice having gone up a full octave, "Give me a handy?"
I could have exploded into action, but I wasn't sure how to do so. So I nodded, and eventually made myself say, "I'd really love to."
"I really miss it."
He laughed, and got even redder. It was amazingly attractive! Fucking hot! I laughed out loud. It was just such a huge relief to have all that awkward stuff over, and him know I was gay, and was not only be okay with it, was asking if I wanted to jerk him off.
Jerk him off? I wanted to suck him off! I wanted to at least ask if he would let me. I decided to see about getting my hands on it first.
I involuntarily looked down, and saw his erection in his khakis. He laughed, knowing where I was looking. I blushed more, laughed, and looked at his face. He was no lady-killer, but he was no total loser, either.
I'd try describing what it felt like in that moment, but what's the point? You've been there, and you understand, or you haven't yet, and you can only imagine. It's sort of like finding out you won the lottery while riding on a roller-coaster.
"You don't have to," he said, for some stupid reason.
"You don't have to let me," I replied, watching his reaction.
"I would have let Mike, but... we'd been friends for a long time... and it just seemed... weird."
"You sound like you regret not... ummm..."
He laughed a little, then said, "I do," apparently surprising himself. His brow wrinkled a little, then he said, "I should have let him." Then, after a moment, and a nod, "I wish I had." Then he smiled a little.
"You should tell him."
"I will. We text and email. I'm gonna," he said, smiling. "Thanks."
"Thanks?" I asked, chicken-necking in confusion.
"Yeah. I feel better with that decided. I've been thinking about it. Would you want to know that, if you were him?"
"Yeah. I think so."
"Yeah. I think I would."
After a few seconds of silence, and thoughts of how to get my hands on his boner, which I could still see in his khakis, I thought of something, eventually voicing it.
"You're pretty... open, I guess you'd call it."
He shrugged, then said, "One of my best buds told me he was gay. I sort of figured being gay isn't that bad, not if my one of my best buds was. I just wish I'd..."
"Let him?"
"Yeah," he said, laughing again.
His laugh was really great. A big bunch of chuckles all together, his nice lips framing his white teeth, and little dimples on his cheeks. And the way his eyes lit up, too. And he was funny. And smart. And caring. And nice to anyone, never a jerk. Yeah. I was really liking him a lot.
"I'll give you one, too. Okay?" he asked.
"Serious?" I asked, really loudly.
We both looked at my door and waited in dread. They should have been downstairs in front of the television anyway. I told him so. He sighed and relaxed, and grinned again.
"I mean, you really would?"
"Yeah. Why not?" He shrugged. "I don't think I wanna give you head, though," he added with a laugh.
I pounced on the opening. Maybe too quickly.
"Can I?"
He smiled as wide as I've ever seen him, and got even redder, too. And could hardly look at me, but he forced himself to as he asked, "Would you?"
I figured I might as well go for it.
"I think I'd really like to!" I said enthusiastically, trying not to smile too much and overdo it.
He snickered all cute, then said, "Man, you don't have to, but if you wanna... I fucking love getting head!"
"I wanna see if I'm any good at it! I mean, I watch porn, right? I think I know what would feel good, too."
"Wanna really see?" he asked, mostly in a joking way.
But I responded by nodding and saying, "Hell yes I do!"
"Okay!"
I felt like singing, or dancing, or something! Fucking yes!
"But," he said suddenly, "you... ummm... you won't.... uh, say anything-"
As soon as I knew what he was asking, I cut him off with, "Hell no! I promise! I've had to tell my best friends, who know I'm gay, that we're not doing anything! They believe me. I'll make sure if it comes up, they keep believing it. Promise!"
"Okay," he said, adding a nod and a smile. Then further adding, "I think I can tell I can trust you."
"You can. Even before! I mean, I'm just not the type to go bragging about it. It's private, ya know?"
"Yeah. You get that. That's why it was easy to be friends with you. You're open and honest, and a good guy."
"Same," I said, rather lamely, but just too embarrassed to think of anything to say.
He smiled at me, and I felt one of those bonding moments. You don't really know what they are at that age, but later, you do.
"So, you won't be weirded out around the guys?" I asked. "After, I mean."
"No. I mean, they won't know, if they do find out, they won't hate me, if they don't hate you. So, hell. Just... I'd rather they don't know."
"Cool. Me too."
We smiled at each other for a few seconds.
"I can't believe I'm going to let a guy..."
He laughed.
"I can't believe a guy is going to let me!"
"Hey, I'm just a horny boy! What can I say?" he laughed, then grabbed his groin.
"I've wondered what you're, uh... you know, built like."
That was pretty hard to tell him!
He blushed a bit again, then said, "So find out."
He moved his hand away from his crotch, and placed it with his other behind his head, grinning a remarkably sexually-charged grin at me that brought lust to roaring life. The way he stretched out his legs and body accentuated his groin, and the erection contained there.
I was stunned into motionlessness. I didn't move a muscle; just stared at his lap. I could feel my boner raging. It was bending and tingling like mad! I knew it would shoot if I gripped it and stroked it for just a few seconds. My whole body felt like that. It was amazing! I don't know if I even drew a single breath during those long seconds before he spoke, breaking the spell.
His sexy, adorable grin was broken by his words, but returned with a vengeance after them.
"Want me to take them off?"
"No! I'll do it!"