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Shrunken and chilled,
I felt my heart fall,
Again not a word,
nothing at all.

I check again and again,
And I wait and I wait,
But nothing ever comes,
And now it's too late.

We said we were friends,
We said that was great,
We agreed that was all,
We were set in that fate.

Lovers or a couple,
Was nothing we could be,
And not just because,
We were separated by sea.

My feelings for him,
We greater than his,
So I admired from afar,
We agreed that's how it is.

We shared our dark woes,
And all of those things,
That worried or hurt us,
And so we grew wings.

We soared over our troubles,
We left them far behind,
Forging a bond of friendship,
The closest I had yet to find.

But now he's left me alone,
Without a single thought,
Not even a reply,
You'd think that we'd fought.

No real friend would do,
Such a thing you would think,
So why then did he,
Without even a blink.

Lately he's said he's busy,
Got little time to be on the net,
And he asked if I missed,
All the time together yet.

I told him he knew I did,
And that I understood,
He would email when he wanted,
He would email when he could.

I never asked for much,
Just a single line,
Saying he was busy,
Saying he was fine.

But week day nothing came,
Then another week had passed,
Soon a month had gone by,
No reply since the last.

I can't help but wonder,
If I did something wrong,
Or if it was totally,
Something else all along.

I saw him on boards and forums,
He had plenty of time it seemed,
To spend online at those places,
Just no time to reply to me.

Did he think of me a friend,
Or an interesting pastime,
To mess around with my head,
Then just drop me on a dime.

We were in close contact,
For well over a year,
He was my closest net friend,
Can you see why I tear.

Used to be for hours on end,
We'd be in IMs and chat,
We would talk and we would share,
How very much I miss that.

But now it would seem,
I'm a pest and a bother,
Not worth a single reply,
While he spends his time with others.

One day I saw him in a chat,
And dropped in to see,
What he'd say to a stranger,
About how he'd treated me,

I used a name I've never used,
And asked my questions there,
He and they answered and agreed,
The way he treated me wasn't fair.

In time I sent another mail,
Hoping he'd have time to reply,
Though nothing ever came from him,
I had at least given it another a try.

Then his words finally came,
But only through others of course,
That he said he didn't like me,
And that he had said even worse.

Was it all just a game,
For him to enjoy,
Seeing how to play,
With his brand new toy?

If that is the truth,
Then with me he his bored,
He has shut me out,
And thrown me to the horde.

I guess all of the things,
That I thought that we shared,
We mere stories he told,
He never really cared.

But how can a person,
Put up such a show,
Act such a part,
And yet I not know.

We swore to each other,
I thought we made a pact,
We'd never stop talking,
But now it is a fact.

And further we promised,
To each other beyond that,
That if we stopped talking,
We'd face up and state fact.

I'm told he just liked,
The attention that I showed,
That's was all that he wanted,
From that all else flowed.

But again I would ask,
How it could be,
That a person could put,
Such a spell over me.

So all I am left with,
Of all the time that I spent,
Is a feeling of deep loss,
And his last message sent.


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Poems - Messages